From Fasting to Feasting

Cory. The first time I met him and he told me his name, five minutes later I called him "Cody." And that is how we began, with me hurting his feelings because I remembered the wrong name. Twenty years and 3 months and one day after that first meeting, he died. I can hardly believe the life I've lived in those 20 years...it seems we packed an eternity of experiences - both good and awful - into those two decades. We were engaged the day we met. Four months later we were married. Thirteen years later we divorced. Two years after that, we were married again. Four years (plus a little) later, divorced again. Ten months, three weeks, and five days later, he was dead. The first divorce, I didn't know it was mental illness. One moment he was loving and the best man I'd ever known. The next moment he was scary and someone I was afraid to be around. He would apologize and I would believe him when he told me he would not do it again. I would immediately extend trust...

My entire life I remember hearing the story of Mary and Martha.  All growing up we were taught about Mary choosing "the better part" and somehow that was translated into the work of upkeeping a home is not important - or is at least lessor work.  Somehow, someone somewhere said that Martha's work of making food or cleaning or whatever she was actually doing in that moment was far less important than Mary, sitting at the Savior's feet and learning. Martha became defined as a woman who lacked faith while Mary was a woman of great faith.  Chores became defined as menial tasks which are done by those who are of lessor faith than those who seek out the Lord. Today, I'd like to explain the way I see what the Lord was saying to Mary and Martha that day when Martha complained that Mary was not helping with the work. First, the Lord did not say Mary had chosen the better task.  He said she had chosen the "good part." Let's review the actual words. ...

"All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid upon him the iniquity of us all." Each one of us has, rather than choosing the yoke of Grace and the burden of light, chosen to indulge in darkness.  We have turned, each one of us, to our own way of doing things.  We have each maintained our agency and the Lord has taken upon Himself each choice and each moment of living.  This verse again speaks to me, deeply, of the eternal import the role of agency plays. Now Isaiah is getting into the actual moments of the Savior's life which encompass the Atonement.  These verses were easier for me to understand because they are talked about much more. "He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb before the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.  He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation...

These next posts about how I see the Savior are excessively personal and sacred.  It has been impressed upon my heart to share them, but I hope that if you are not in a space to read and treat these things as sacred, that you will come back at another time.  I do not trifle with sacred things and I hope that you feel the same. Also, please be so aware that this is my personal testimony.  These are things I have learned at great cost and great sacrifice.  I do not claim them to be the doctrine of the LDS church and I do not claim to have the authority to teach these things as such.  This is my testimony as gained through my experiences and my interpretations of those experiences. There was a time in my life when the name Jesus Christ only meant some imaginary being with whom I had no connection.  He was not real to me.  I did not know Him.  I believed He was real - that was never a question for me.  But I did not have a relationship with H...

"Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God." "And again, if ye by the grace of God are perfect in Christ, and deny not his power, then are ye sanctified in Christ by the grace of God, through the shedding of the blood of Christ, which is in the covenant of the Father unto the remission of your sins, that ye become holy, without spot." In hebrew, the word "perfect" has a different meaning than the way we tend to understand it in English. A very general interpretation would be to see all of the parts that make up the whole. The parts do not all have to be functioning properly, it is only required to see them. So if that is true, th...

Please bear with me while I share all of this with you.  At the beginning, the gift of the natural man will not be super clear.  But as I explain and go through all of the things that will give you the frame of reference, you'll begin to see what I'm trying to share with you. In Genesis 3:24 we read: "So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life." The first thing I would like to do is point out a few distinctions.  It reads "cherubims  and  a flaming sword" not " with " a flaming sword.  This is important.  It is also important to note that the flaming sword turns "every way." Another important distinction to make is that it says "to keep the way of the tree of life" not "the way  to  the tree of life."  Again, very important if we are going to understand this doctrine. Lastly, let's make ...

In Ether 12:27 we read: 27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. And then verse 37 in part states: 37 And because thou hast seen thy weakness thou shalt be made strong, even unto the sitting down in the place which I have prepared in the mansions of my Father. So let's start with verse 27.  The Lord says that if we come unto Him, He will show us our weakness.  I love this because it means I don't have to listen to anything anyone else says about my faults or flaws.  I don't have to be worried about what order they think I should work on things.  It's about me and the Lord and no one else.  Now, this is not to say I should be proud or stubborn.  I'm not saying anything like that.  Jus...

When the words of Isaiah 29 first began to sink into my consciousness, I was shaking and scared, thinking about what I understood.  Isaiah was telling me that the Lord wanted me to just be real with Him.  He was telling me to say things to the Lord, to admit to Him the things I wasn't even willing to acknowledge to myself for fear they would prove just how horrible of a person I was.  He wanted me to just talk with Him about everything.  To let it all just come out - everything.  To not worry about whether or not I was being respectful by my parents' definition or following protocol as laid out by manuals, but just really get in there and let those strangers and terrible ones become known. I had several hours of driving ahead of me and so I just began, as I was driving my big 18-wheeler down the road.  I started off very timid and scared.  The first thing I said was, "Please don't kill me if I'm wrong.  This is what it seems like Isaiah is sayin...

Okay.  So let's just dive in.  The actual verses from the KJV will be in black and my added comments will be in blue.  Also, as we begin please know that I respect and honor men and women equally.  I also think it is very silly to change wording to reflect gender.  When I say "man", I'm speaking of mankind unless the context is clear that I am speaking of that gender.  When I say "natural man" I don't feel it necessary and in fact, feel it a little silly to add "natural woman."  Besides it always puts that song in my head.  A song I don't particularly like.  So please don't be offended by me.  I simply think the extra work is a waste of time which could be spent sharing our hearts rather than speaking to our pride and ego and separation. 1  Woe   to   Ariel, to Ariel, the city   where   David dwelt! add ye year to year; let them kill sacrifices. Ariel is another name for Jerusalem, which is symbolic of Zion...