From Fasting to Feasting

I was struggling. A lot. There were moments of peace. Moments where I wasn’t feeling completely heavy. Mostly though, I put on a brave face. I walked around and smiled and returned to life as normal…because, well, what else was I supposed to do?  But there was nothing normal about my life and how I was feeling. I had a million questions. What about our sealing? Do I still want that? Was it all really just mental illness? Or was there a lot of just foul temper in there too? Who can know for sure…they both look so much the same.  There were days and days of debate within my heart. Hours and hours of wondering if I wanted to be sealed to this man for all of eternity or if I wanted to seek another relationship with someone who would be an actual partner in life. I had dreams about Cory. I had dreams about finding someone who was kind and gentle. Those two dreams were never the same night. It was never Cory who was the someone who was kind and gentle. It was always some ot...

Having experienced much of what could be termed abuse in my life, I have sought deeply to understand the truth of man and woman that I might heal and have whole relationships.  There are some truths which are hard to hear and some truths which cause rejoicing when heard.  The particular truths I desire to share here, if a person is not ready to hear them, will sound very wrong and hard to hear.  So before you read further, I ask that you pause and consider whether or not you are willing and ready to read my words as I intend them, giving them my meaning and not adding your own on top of them.  If you are not in a healthy space with masculine and feminine truths, if there is bitterness or anger in you, please pause and consider coming back to this post another time.  Otherwise, this post may incite you and cause anger to rise in your heart because you won't be ready to understand the true meaning of these words. That very long disclaimer said, if you choose to ...

A treatise on words and creation. The words we use convey meaning. Sometimes this meaning is powerful and deep. Other times this meaning hurts and is painful. The meanings may fill us with joy. Still, other times it fills us with dread. How? How can words have such powerful meaning? How do words start and end wars? How do words make or break relationships? How does someone not saying a particular phrase bring peace or pain? Why do we share words with each other? Is it not, in it’s essence, for connection? Words help us understand each other. They propound to others that which is internal and unseeable, unknowable in any other way. Words are one of the highest expressions because they allow me to convey my brightest or most noble thoughts, my base and shameful feelings, my fears and triumphs, my sorrows and my joys; words allow me to take all of these abstract things which do not exist in reality and carry them forth into a moment and make them known to all who hear me. Words, in pe...