“Whom shall he teach aknowledge? and whom shall he make to understand doctrine? them that are bweaned from the cmilk, and drawn from the breasts. For precept must be upon precept, aprecept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little…” Isaiah 28:9-10
God, from the beginning of the fall of Adam and Eve, instituted the eternal laws of progression; a pattern for learning. There is an order to progression. It comes the same way for every one of us, from the least to the greatest. We are taught that even Jesus Christ, our Savior and Mediator, learned in this fashion. He did not have a fullness at first, but learned line upon line. (Luke 2:40, Doctrine and Covenants 93:12-14) Thus the pattern was established that we should grow into our gifts, our purposes for being on this earth, and our eternal progressions.
Understanding that this is the way our Father in Heaven works, I have always struggled with the idea that Joseph Smith was a prophet. From a very young age, I began to be aware of gifts I had been given. To learn to use these gifts properly takes years and years of refining - years which look messy. I’ve misunderstood them. I’ve misused them. I’ve hurt people I love, sometimes irreparably. I’ve lost my direction only to find it again. It is as messy as anything gets. My heart was in the right place - I had no desire to misuse them or to hurt others in learning how to use them. But still it happened. Especially as I began to be aware of a gift and it was brand new to me. That was when it was REALLY messy and very often misused.
Learning from my own experience in this fashion, I didn’t understand how Joseph Smith could just one day wake up and have a gift and know how to use it perfectly. It didn’t make any sense or follow the eternal laws. I knew that sometimes there were exceptions to things, but even the Savior was not an exception to this law.
I have accepted that the Book of Mormon brought into my life inspiration - and as I grew in my gifts, it is one of the rare books I can read that put me in a state of revelation. So the Book of Mormon was how I accepted Joseph Smith.
Still, I was never able to bear testimony of his prophetic call because it was too clean. Where was the mess? Where were the mistakes? Where was the learning of those gifts? Perfect is fake. Fullness from the beginning is fake. When something is messy and shows a learning period, that’s when you know it’s real. Where was the truth?
Recently both a family member and a client mentioned a particular thing which led them to have very great anger toward The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. My sibling told me to read it. My client merely mentioned it in her desire to help me understand where she is right now on her path forward.
After talking with my client, I felt very pulled to read and understand what it was they were discussing. I said a prayer for discernment and to be in the spirit of revelation as I read. Then I opened the PDF and began.
To my surprise, instead of being full of doubt, I finally had what I was looking for my entire life. Here was the mess. Here were the mistakes, beautifully chronicled. Here were all the tryings and failings and fallings and getting up only to fall again moments.
After reading that first 30 or so pages, I felt like I wanted to share my thoughts. They were on my mind so much that I couldn’t sleep. So I began to write all my experiences of learning different gifts of the Spirit and how messy and ugly the beginning phases are each time a new gift is discovered. I wanted people to see and understand that the truth is going to be messy. There is no pedestal that a real person can stay on.
As I read those pages, I kept saying “Of course! This makes so much sense now. NOW the story seems real.” Here was the pattern. He was learning line upon messy line. And now, after 42 and a half years of being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I can finally say what I’ve never been able to say. I know that Joseph Smith was a true prophet of the Living God and that he had all the gifts associated with that title.
We do not see the mess of the prophets in the scriptures as they come to learn their gifts, because by the time they write those things, they’ve got hind-sight and have refined their gifts. But if we could put each prophet from Adam to President Nelson under a microscope as the world has done with Joseph Smith, we would certainly see the mess of learning.
Each of us has a rare opportunity to look in detail at what it looks like for a prophet to learn and become intimately acquainted with God and with His purpose for them on this earth. And then to follow that eternal pattern for progression in our own lives. Don’t be afraid of learning and of mess. Try out your gifts. Ask for forgiveness and try again. And again. And again. Look at the things that are being discovered and see the glorious, growing mess that it is for what it is. This is the pattern of growth and of revelation.
This eternal pattern is one each of us is meant to follow - this pattern of growth and increasing in doctrine and truths. It is the admonition for us to follow Christ, to be like Him, to emulate Him.
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