Jesus Wept

This week, within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we are discussing the eleventh chapter of John. There is an interpretation within these verses that has always been a source of struggle for me. Not because I couldn't understand but because what I understood was so contrary to everyone I've ever heard speak of those words.

When I read the words "Jesus wept" I do not believe he was weeping for the loss of Lazarus. It is contrary to everything else within that chapter and within the character of who He was in His mortal life. The first time I heard my mother expounding on the Lord's compassion for the loss of Lazarus, something inside of me said, "NO! That is false." But I didn't know why and I couldn't articulate what it was. It just felt wrong.

As years passed and I grew in understanding of the scriptures, I became able to articulate why I felt that interpretation was false. But NO ONE else was saying anything other than the same sentiments expressed by my mother. So I have let it sit inside of me for years. Until now.

The first thing I remember pondering on was the fact of who was responsible for the interpretation. It was the group of Jews who were following Mary as she came to meet the Savior. The same group who, when Mary went to meet Him in her tears, assumed that Mary was going to the tomb to mourn her brother. That was a false assumption on their part. We know because John has already explained that to us.

The next time we hear from this unidentified group only known as "the Jews" is when Jesus weeps. And they say, "Behold, how he loved him!"

But it is my belief that, just as they were mistaken with Mary's motive and intent, they were also mistaken with the motive and intent of Jesus.

Just consider the verses leading up to verse 35.

(I will highlight in bold what shows us the true understanding of "Jesus wept".)

32 Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.

33 When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled,

34 And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see.

When you read verse 35 in context, it becomes clear that Jesus is weeping for the only reason He is ever seen weeping in the scriptures - because of the inability of the people to understand His words and His doctrine. 

If we back up to the earlier verses in the chapter, we see more. 

3 Therefore his sisters sent unto him, saying, Lord, behold, he whom thou lovest is sick.

4 When Jesus heard that, he said, This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby.

So we know that Jesus is aware Lazarus is going to die, but this is not his permanent mortal death. If we could say in other words, Jesus is saying that yes, he will die, but the purpose of the death is so he can be brought back to life...it is not unto death. We also know that He is aware of the true purpose being "for the glory of God." It is exceptionally clear that Jesus is aware He is about to raise Lazarus from the dead.

11 These things said he: and after that he saith unto them, Our friend Lazarus sleepeth; but I go, that I may awake him out of sleep.

12 Then said his disciples, Lord, if he sleep, he shall do well.

13 Howbeit Jesus spake of his death: but they thought that he had spoken of taking of rest in sleep.

14 Then said Jesus unto them plainly, Lazarus is dead.

15 And I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, to the intent ye may believe; nevertheless let us go unto him.

Again, plain proof that Jesus knew Lazarus was dead and the purpose of the death, "to the intent ye may believe..."

If Jesus were going to weep over Lazarus, He would have done so long before they came to the tomb. He was not weeping for the friend He was about to raise from the dead. He was weeping for the unbelief of the people...for the people who assumed He wept because of His great love for Lazarus and His sorrow at such a loss - the people who did not believe who He was or His mission on this earth and thus rejected their own redemption. 

Jesus wept because the people had plain doctrine before them, truth as plain as day, and still they would not understand. 

If we turn to 3 Nephi 10, we gain a detailed insight into what caused our Lord to weep from the Lord Himself. It is in the oppresive darkness after the great destruction that His voice is heard and His aching is made known to all the people who survived the destruction on the American continents. (Again adding bold type for understanding.)

4 O ye people of these great cities which have fallen, who are descendants of Jacob, yea, who are of the house of Israel, how oft have I gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and have nourished you.

5 And again, how oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, yea, O ye people of the house of Israel, who have fallen; yea, O ye people of the house of Israel, ye that dwell at Jerusalem, as ye that have fallen; yea, how oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens, and ye would not.

6 O ye house of Israel whom I have spared, how oft will I gather you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, if ye will repent and return unto me with full purpose of heart.

 It is clear, in these verses, why Jesus wept.

And again in 3 Nephi 17:14, we hear words similar to those of John 11:33 - 

14 And it came to pass that when they had knelt upon the ground, Jesus groaned within himself, and said: Father, I am troubled because of the wickedness of the people of the house of Israel.

Here, once again, we are given the reason Jesus wept. The groan within Himself is always for one reason - because of the wickedness of the people of the house of Israel. 

Back to Lazarus.

Jesus knows Lazarus is dead. He knows the purpose for the illness and subsequent death is to glorify God and to show the power God has endowed in Jesus - even power over death. We know that it had to be at least 4 days so that the tradition the Jews held of the spirit leaving the body after 3 days would show the true power of Jesus. Others had been raised from the dead. But never one who had been dead for 4 days. 

This was a joyfully sober experience for the Lord as He prepared to work a mighty miracle unto the glory of God. "And I am glad for your sakes that I was not there...." Never before nor after these verses does Jesus as the Christ or as Jehovah and Creator weep except for the wickedness and loss of souls - NOT bodies. Souls. 

So why would He now be different and ignore truth He knows and understands? He wouldn't. He is who He is. (Or, in His words, I AM that I AM.) Always. And that means there was no sorrow in Him for the mortal death of His beloved friend that He knew He was about to embrace. There could not be sorrow in Him for that. Just as the Lord promised the Three Nephites that their only sorrow would be for the wickedness of the people (thank you Katie for adding this last insight - I hadn't connected this dot until our conversation last night).

These were all things I have pondered on and kept to myself for many years.

Then, nearly 10 years ago, I had a very hard, very personal experience that convinced me completely and irrevocably that my view of those verses was the truth of His expression and not the other interpretation.

It was while I was a truck driver, doing a US Mail contract from St. George, Utah to Santa Clarita, California that this life-altering experience occurred. I was teaching the route to a new driver, and he was driving as we made our way to the Postal Distribution Center.

We were on a two-lane highway in California. A man in a white pickup was coming toward me, followed by several other cars. As our vehicles drew closer to each other the man driving the pickup suddenly opened his door and dove out of his pickup in front of my truck. There was no way to stop, he was simply too close. To this day I can still vividly hear the sound of his body as it went under my truck and trailer. It was...a horrific experience.

As I moved to the driver's side to climb out of my truck (it was impossible to get out the passenger's side) I saw the most gruesome scene I'd ever come upon in my life. There were bits of his body everywhere. His body had made a hole in my radiator and the smell of radiator fluid mixed with the smell of the bits of his body that were seared to the sizzling heat of the underside of the truck engine is still in my memory when I think on this experience. 

At the back of my truck was a mangled mass of tissue, blood, and bone that was only recognizable as human because of the shredded and torn bits of cloth mingled with the tissues.

The memory and view of this moment haunted me for the next week. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't focus. Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was the horrible scene of carnage. 

Finally I got on my knees and pleaded with my Father to help me, to somehow take this experience and all of the guilt and soul-splitting torture away from me. As I sat there, my soul pleading and my heart in agony, I had an experience that has changed me forever.

In my mind's eye, I was sitting in the truck and looked out the window. Outside, on the pavement, was my Savior beckoning me to get out and come over to Him. So I climbed out of my truck and stood next to Him. He did not say a word. He put his arm around my shoulder and began walking with me. As we walked He pointed out every drop of blood, every single hair that had been part of the body of this man. There were pieces I had not ever seen in real life, pieces I had not noticed before. 

This attention to every part that had been composed to make this man continued until we came to the bulk of his remains behind the trailer. There, standing above the body, was the spirit of the man. Whole. Intact. Complete. He was fine. I had not harmed him. I had not in any way damaged him. Only his body was broken. HE wasn't broken. 

Then other things were pointed out to me and brought to my awareness. The Lord could not and would not take away the agency of this man, but every other thing involved in the situation could not have been more ideal. 

The cars following his pickup were all unmarked, plainclothes police officers. Their dash cameras had recorded the entire incident. Usually, in the case of professional drivers, when someone is killed with our vehicle, we are immediately given prison time for vehicular manslaughter unless it can be definitively proved that it could not be prevented. Often there is no way to prove that the accident was not preventable and drivers do prison time for it. But since there were cameras recording the whole thing, there was not so much as a court summons.

Another blessing was that the vehicle directly behind my truck was a large box truck, a little larger than the size of a big moving truck. The men driving it were shaken. But behind them was a minivan full of a family with small children - children who did not see a single bit of the carnage because the box truck in front of them completely obstructed their view.

The white pickup the man had been driving, miraculously, veered neither left nor right, but went straight down it's lane until coming to a stop. It did not hit anyone else or cause any other damage for the several hundred feet it traveled before idling to a complete stop even though it was still in drive. Still in drive on a flat road that had a pretty big slant to the side for rain to runoff the highway...it should have kept going. It should have veered off to the right because of the angle of the roadway. But it didn't. It just kept going straight and then came to a full stop.

There were more things. But do you know what wasn't there? Jesus weeping. He wasn't weeping. Jesus knows me and you as personally and as intimately as He knew Lazarus. He knew that man. But He wasn't weeping. He was full of peace and was, by what He was showing me, telling me that He knew where this man was and that all was well.

From that moment on I have never again been haunted by the memory of that day. Most of the time I completely forget that it ever happened. It does not torture my dreams. The carnage and gore I witnessed do not plague me. And if ever I am asked to relive it - as I do telling it to you now - I relive it with Jesus standing next to me, His arm around my shoulder and His peace washing over me.

So you see, the idea of Jesus weeping because someone's temporary mortal frame had died is completely in disharmony with who He is. He was not kept from within the veil. Lazarus was not lost to Him. His view and perspective were not that small and limited.

Yes, Jesus wept. But Jesus wept because they did not and would not understand. Jesus wept because those closest and most intimately known to Him had such limited belief in what He could do and accomplish in their lives.

So my takeaway is this: What is in my life that I limit the Savior from doing because of my own unbelief? Where, in my heart and life, does Jesus weep? Wouldn't it be lovely if it could become a statement of past-tense forever? Not Jesus weeps, but Jesus wept.