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My life ended 10 days ago and then it started again.

Cory. The first time I met him and he told me his name, five minutes later I called him "Cody." And that is how we began, with me hurting his feelings because I remembered the wrong name. Twenty years and 3 months and one day after that first meeting, he died. I can hardly believe the life I've lived in those 20 years...it seems we packed an eternity of experiences - both good and awful - into those two decades. We were engaged the day we met. Four months later we were married. Thirteen years later we divorced. Two years after that, we were married again. Four years (plus a little) later, divorced again. Ten months, three weeks, and five days later, he was dead. The first divorce, I didn't know it was mental illness. One moment he was loving and the best man I'd ever known. The next moment he was scary and someone I was afraid to be around. He would apologize and I would believe him when he told me he would not do it again. I would immediately extend trust...

My will.

I recently had a dear friend text me the following: Question for you about sacrificing our wills: what is the point of God preserving our wills if we just give it up to Him? It seems like kind of a waste. For the record I know I need to (submit my will to His).  I'm trying to understand why. I told him this was a long conversation that required a foundational view of several doctrines in order to understand this doctrine truly.  As I was pondering on the conversation to have with him, I felt impressed to write the conversation here and share it. First, is my will the same thing as my moral agency?  What is agency?  What is "my will"? Agency is the right with which we are each endowed to choose according to our will. Our will is the desire within our hearts. God preserves agency that we might have the ability to submit our will.  He does not preserve our will - as sentient beings, even God does not and could not tamper with our will without it affe...