From Fasting to Feasting

This week, within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we are discussing the eleventh chapter of John. There is an interpretation within these verses that has always been a source of struggle for me. Not because I couldn't understand but because what I understood was so contrary to everyone I've ever heard speak of those words. When I read the words "Jesus wept" I do not believe he was weeping for the loss of Lazarus. It is contrary to everything else within that chapter and within the character of who He was in His mortal life. The first time I heard my mother expounding on the Lord's compassion for the loss of Lazarus, something inside of me said, "NO! That is false." But I didn't know why and I couldn't articulate what it was. It just felt wrong. As years passed and I grew in understanding of the scriptures, I became able to articulate why I felt that interpretation was false. But NO ONE else was saying anything other than the ...

I was struggling. A lot. There were moments of peace. Moments where I wasn’t feeling completely heavy. Mostly though, I put on a brave face. I walked around and smiled and returned to life as normal…because, well, what else was I supposed to do?  But there was nothing normal about my life and how I was feeling. I had a million questions. What about our sealing? Do I still want that? Was it all really just mental illness? Or was there a lot of just foul temper in there too? Who can know for sure…they both look so much the same.  There were days and days of debate within my heart. Hours and hours of wondering if I wanted to be sealed to this man for all of eternity or if I wanted to seek another relationship with someone who would be an actual partner in life. I had dreams about Cory. I had dreams about finding someone who was kind and gentle. Those two dreams were never the same night. It was never Cory who was the someone who was kind and gentle. It was always some ot...

In Mosiah 11:17-19, we read: 17 And king Noah sent guards round about the land to keep them off; but he did not send a sufficient number, and the Lamanites came upon them and killed them, and drove many of their flocks out of the land; thus the Lamanites began to destroy them, and to exercise their hatred upon them. 18 And it came to pass that king Noah sent his armies against them, and they were driven back, or they drove them back for a time; therefore, they returned rejoicing in their spoil. 19 And now, because of this great victory they were lifted up in the pride of their hearts; they did boast in their own strength, saying that their fifty could stand against thousands of the Lamanites; and thus they did boast, and did delight in blood, and the shedding of the blood of their brethren, and this because of the wickedness of their king and priests.  As I was pondering on those verses this morning, I was reminded of how very much like King Noah and his p...

Continuing where we left off. Verse 6 "And it came to pass that after many days it began to put forth somewhat a little, young and tender branches; but behold, the main top thereof began to perish." As we go through this allegory, it is important to note that what is wild, or perishes, or is spoken of in a negative way is pointing toward our hearts moving away from God. Verse 7 "And it came to pass that the master of the vineyard saw it, and he said unto his servant: It grieveth me that I should lose this tree; wherefore, go and pluck the branches from a wild olive-tree, and bring them hither unto me; and we will pluck off those main branches which are beginning to with away, and we will cast them into the fire that they may be burned." First, the master of the vineyard saw it.  In other words, the Lord know us intimately and deeply and personally.  We are not lost from His view or from His knowing.  He eye is ever on us. Isaiah 49:16 - this is what come...

The Olive Tree is symbolic of each one of us.  You are the tree.  And all of this connects back to the symbolism from the Tree of Life we talked about in a previous post.   But that will not be discussed here.  Let's just talk about this allegory for now. Verses 1-3 "Behold, my brethren, do ye not remember to have read the words of the prophet Zenos, which he spake unto the house of Israel, saying: Hearken, O ye house of Israel, and hear the words of me, a prophet of the Lord.  For behold, thus saith the Lord, I will liken thee, O house of Israel, like unto a tame olive-tree, which a man took and nourished in his vineyard; and it grew, and waxed old, and began to decay." Here Jacob tells us that they have already been taught this at least once by saying, "...do ye not remember...the words of the prophet Zenos..."  And we know they have been taught because we are told in 1 Nephi 10:12 that Lehi spoke "much" about this prophecy.  Wow.  With Jac...

I recently had a dear friend text me the following: Question for you about sacrificing our wills: what is the point of God preserving our wills if we just give it up to Him? It seems like kind of a waste. For the record I know I need to (submit my will to His).  I'm trying to understand why. I told him this was a long conversation that required a foundational view of several doctrines in order to understand this doctrine truly.  As I was pondering on the conversation to have with him, I felt impressed to write the conversation here and share it. First, is my will the same thing as my moral agency?  What is agency?  What is "my will"? Agency is the right with which we are each endowed to choose according to our will. Our will is the desire within our hearts. God preserves agency that we might have the ability to submit our will.  He does not preserve our will - as sentient beings, even God does not and could not tamper with our will without it affe...

In Mosiah chapter four, we find the people of King Benjamin just after he has taught them great truths about the Savior, His Atonement, the natural man, and many other notable and important doctrines.  They were understanding them with their hearts (whether or not they understood with their heads) for perhaps the first time in their lives.  And their reaction was one of true repentance.  "And they had viewed themselves in their own carnal state, even less than the dust of the earth.  And they all cried aloud with one voice, saying: O have mercy, and apply the atoning blood of Christ that we may receive forgiveness of our sins, and our hearts may be purified; for we believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who created heaven and earth and all things; who shall come down among the children of men.  And it came to pass that after they had spoken these words the Spirit of the Lord came upon them and they were filled with joy, having received a remission of their...