From Fasting to Feasting

This week, within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we are discussing the eleventh chapter of John. There is an interpretation within these verses that has always been a source of struggle for me. Not because I couldn't understand but because what I understood was so contrary to everyone I've ever heard speak of those words. When I read the words "Jesus wept" I do not believe he was weeping for the loss of Lazarus. It is contrary to everything else within that chapter and within the character of who He was in His mortal life. The first time I heard my mother expounding on the Lord's compassion for the loss of Lazarus, something inside of me said, "NO! That is false." But I didn't know why and I couldn't articulate what it was. It just felt wrong. As years passed and I grew in understanding of the scriptures, I became able to articulate why I felt that interpretation was false. But NO ONE else was saying anything other than the ...

I was struggling. A lot. There were moments of peace. Moments where I wasn’t feeling completely heavy. Mostly though, I put on a brave face. I walked around and smiled and returned to life as normal…because, well, what else was I supposed to do?  But there was nothing normal about my life and how I was feeling. I had a million questions. What about our sealing? Do I still want that? Was it all really just mental illness? Or was there a lot of just foul temper in there too? Who can know for sure…they both look so much the same.  There were days and days of debate within my heart. Hours and hours of wondering if I wanted to be sealed to this man for all of eternity or if I wanted to seek another relationship with someone who would be an actual partner in life. I had dreams about Cory. I had dreams about finding someone who was kind and gentle. Those two dreams were never the same night. It was never Cory who was the someone who was kind and gentle. It was always some ot...

I was putting away some papers this morning and I had forgotten about a pile of papers that were on top of the bin. As I pulled it down off the shelf, the papers on top fell to the ground. And a wave crashed over me as I sank to the floor and cried. I had pulled the papers out to mail to Cory. They were his mission call, his mission release, and his priesthood line of authority papers. Things I knew he'd want that I didn't throw away. Things I meant to mail to him back in October when we talked about it over the phone. Things I meant to mail again in December when I pulled them out of the bin and set them on top of it. But then they were forgotten up there. I reached out to my friend. She was with me when I had pulled the papers out and ached. She was at work, but she texted and offered comfort and solutions. Maybe connect them with his Family Search information? Family Search. I stop breathing. One more place to write down that he is dead...a place that feels more ...

Cory. The first time I met him and he told me his name, five minutes later I called him "Cody." And that is how we began, with me hurting his feelings because I remembered the wrong name. Twenty years and 3 months and one day after that first meeting, he died. I can hardly believe the life I've lived in those 20 years...it seems we packed an eternity of experiences - both good and awful - into those two decades. We were engaged the day we met. Four months later we were married. Thirteen years later we divorced. Two years after that, we were married again. Four years (plus a little) later, divorced again. Ten months, three weeks, and five days later, he was dead. The first divorce, I didn't know it was mental illness. One moment he was loving and the best man I'd ever known. The next moment he was scary and someone I was afraid to be around. He would apologize and I would believe him when he told me he would not do it again. I would immediately extend trust...

Continuing where we left off. Verse 6 "And it came to pass that after many days it began to put forth somewhat a little, young and tender branches; but behold, the main top thereof began to perish." As we go through this allegory, it is important to note that what is wild, or perishes, or is spoken of in a negative way is pointing toward our hearts moving away from God. Verse 7 "And it came to pass that the master of the vineyard saw it, and he said unto his servant: It grieveth me that I should lose this tree; wherefore, go and pluck the branches from a wild olive-tree, and bring them hither unto me; and we will pluck off those main branches which are beginning to with away, and we will cast them into the fire that they may be burned." First, the master of the vineyard saw it.  In other words, the Lord know us intimately and deeply and personally.  We are not lost from His view or from His knowing.  He eye is ever on us. Isaiah 49:16 - this is what come...

The Olive Tree is symbolic of each one of us.  You are the tree.  And all of this connects back to the symbolism from the Tree of Life we talked about in a previous post.   But that will not be discussed here.  Let's just talk about this allegory for now. Verses 1-3 "Behold, my brethren, do ye not remember to have read the words of the prophet Zenos, which he spake unto the house of Israel, saying: Hearken, O ye house of Israel, and hear the words of me, a prophet of the Lord.  For behold, thus saith the Lord, I will liken thee, O house of Israel, like unto a tame olive-tree, which a man took and nourished in his vineyard; and it grew, and waxed old, and began to decay." Here Jacob tells us that they have already been taught this at least once by saying, "...do ye not remember...the words of the prophet Zenos..."  And we know they have been taught because we are told in 1 Nephi 10:12 that Lehi spoke "much" about this prophecy.  Wow.  With Jac...

As we continue on with the conversation of Jacob in preparing us to understand the Olive Tree Allegory, he begins to tell us the real purpose for the truths he is going to make known to us. In verses 11, Jacob is telling us to reconciled to Christ, that we might obtain a resurrection in Christ, "...and be presented as the first-fruits of Christ unto God, having faith, and obtained a good hope of glory in him before he manifesteth himself in the flesh."  In other words, we are to be reconciled to God through Christ, by way of the Atonement of the Savior.  What do these words mean?  Application and personal receiving of the Atonement into our hearts for sure.  But there is more to it than that.  Jacob goes from speaking of reconciliation to the stumbling of the Jews to being filled with the spirit of prophecy to teaching the parable of the olive tree.  This, it would seem, is the answer to what it means to be reconciled to Christ and to God through the Ato...