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My will.

I recently had a dear friend text me the following:

Question for you about sacrificing our wills: what is the point of God preserving our wills if we just give it up to Him?
It seems like kind of a waste.
For the record I know I need to (submit my will to His).  I'm trying to understand why.


I told him this was a long conversation that required a foundational view of several doctrines in order to understand this doctrine truly.  As I was pondering on the conversation to have with him, I felt impressed to write the conversation here and share it.

First, is my will the same thing as my moral agency?  What is agency?  What is "my will"?

Agency is the right with which we are each endowed to choose according to our will.

Our will is the desire within our hearts.

God preserves agency that we might have the ability to submit our will.  He does not preserve our will - as sentient beings, even God does not and could not tamper with our will without it affecting His ability to govern.  There is no preservation of will.  Only of agency.

Now.  Why is it important to lay my will on the altar?  Why, as was posed by my friend, if God is asking me to do that, why does He work so hard to preserve my ability to do it?  Why not just take away my ability to choose?  There are, of course, the obvious moral answers to that question.  But what about doctrinal answers?

Let's start with obedience.  Why are we commanded to be obedient?

I recently was divorced.  It was hard, but it was the best choice I could make in the circumstances.  There were a lot of choices made that, if I had been a perfect person, I'd have done differently.  However, I did the very best I could.  I asked the Lord constantly what I could do to make my marriage work.  I asked Him to teach me what to do and what to say to fix the problems.  I asked daily, hourly, moment by moment.  Sometimes I was able to have strict obedience to those promptings.  Sometimes the stress of things got to me and I was desperate for the Atonement of our Savior to sooth my soul with His healing balm after hard days.  Sometimes I was angry and hurt and rude.  Sometimes I was apathetic and tired and drained.  But always I was as obedient as I was able to be.

Do you know the result of that obedience?  I look back on my 19-year marriage and I have no regrets.  I hold no malice toward him or toward myself.  Because I was as obedient as I knew how to be, I have no problem truly submitting to the Atonement of Christ and letting Him make up for my days where I was not able to be obedient fully.  It is a relief and a joy to submit to His gift.

I've had other times in my life where I wasn't obedient simply because I wasn't.  I could have been and was capable of it and chose not to.  In those times, it has been terribly hard to accept the Atonement in my life.  I don't feel I deserve it.  I don't feel I should receive it.  I spend my time shouldering the load myself (or thinking I am, anyhow...as we all know is not true - especially if you've read my post on Isaiah 53), and telling myself I didn't deserve to receive a relief of the burden or the pain because I chose it, knowingly.

It is so hard to accept something when I haven't done everything in my power to earn it.  But it is such a great relief to accept something, especially if I failed to reach the mark that says I've earned it, but I've tried with everything in me to reach that mark.

This is why we are commanded to be obedient.  This is why obedience is the first law of Heaven.  Without striving for obedience, we would not be able to fully receive the Grace which comes through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  Obedience liberates our hearts; in it we allow ourselves to receive what is so very generously and freely offered.

So now that we understand the true purpose for obedience (rather than that age old answer of it being the way we qualify for....blah blah blah), let's understand it's role in preservation of agency.

If I were not given the choice to obey or to disobey, then I would not know or understand my choice.  If there were no law given, how could I break that law?  If I could not break the law, then how could I receive the gift of the Atonement?  The Atonement of Christ is not given as an addendum - it would be pointless if there were no law - for there could be no sin (or missing the mark).  Without sin there would be no need for a Savior.

So why have laws and commandments and obedience at all?  Why not just let there be no law so that everyone can just live their lives the way they wish and then be saved - because without law there can be no consequences.  If there are no consequences, there is no raising up to a new state.  Without law there can be no exaltation.  Without laws there can be no deliverance from an eternal state of ignorance - without growth or progression.  It is in the laws and observance of them that we find progression and growth.  Else we would all merely be hamsters in a wheel, running around and around and never progressing or moving forward.

Let's pause on obedience for a moment to discuss a very small sliver of the purpose of time.  In this place, we have all agreed that time does and should exist.  It gives us a sense of movement and progression - without which we would feel stuck and eternally circling the same point.  But because time does not actually exist, how does one measure age and progression outside of time?  There is not age, for there is not time.  So there must be some other measurement to distinguish one moment of interaction from another.

This is where laws come into place.  Wisdom and understanding in one order allows access to the next order.  The greater the wisdom and understanding, the greater the order.  You could say that wisdom and understanding of doctrine is to the laws of Heaven what time is to the laws of earth.  They are the vehicle by which one moves from one place of existence to another.  (Someone remind me to write a post about the Hebrew meanings for wisdom and understanding.)

Without laws, what would there be to understand?  Without laws, how could one gain wisdom?  The law is that which allows all interactions with it to become moments of education and learning.

So we must have laws.  They are vital.  They are progression.  When we obtain the law, we gain wisdom and understanding concerning that one thing.  When we gain wisdom and understanding over a particular principle or law, then we gain mastery over that law.  Because we have fully obtained that law, it has become part of us - written on our hearts, as it were - and we could no more break it than we could cut out our hearts.  Yes, we could do so.  But why in the world would we do so?

Laws, therefore, are the fundamental building blocks of all progression.  Each law obtained is a new progression, a new kingdom added to that which had already been obtained.  Each law we obtain and then, through laziness or some other reason we stop obeying that law, we fall from a higher place until we lose our ability to understand or interpret any of those truths.  But I am digressing from the purpose of this particular doctrine in this conversation.  Sorry.

Laws allow obedience.  Obedience allows us to gratefully and completely receive of the Atonement of Christ.  Obedience allows us to learn and thus to progress, to receive grace for grace and truth for truth, line upon line, until we come to understand all, fully.  None of this would be possible without obedience and without laws.

Now.  If we had no agency, what would be the point of laws?  The laws exist that we might preserve our agency.  For if I have no law, then I have no choice.  If I have no choice then I have no will.

This is the beginnings of understanding the import of preserving agency that we might exercise our own will.

So now we come to my friend's question again.  Why do we submit our will to the Father if He is working so hard to preserve that very will?  I mean, if we understand the above doctrine, then it tells us that the horrific experience the Father went through, allowing the necessary suffering of Christ that we might have an Atonement, is all so that we can have our own will.  His whole reason for a Savior was so that we could choose, so that we would be capable of choosing.

Why, then, ask us to submit our will - which is the thing that drives our choices - to Him?  This goes back to the purpose of obedience.  True wisdom and understanding can only be gained in this way.  The more we submit, the more truths we gain.  The more truths or light (Doctrine and Covenants makes light and truth synonymous) or divine power we gain, the greater our spiritual "age" becomes.  The greater our spiritual "age" the closer we grow to the realm in which God resides.

Why do we submit our will to His?  To age.

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